When my eldest child was under 3 months old and I had taken us to a nearby mall to escape the cabin fever that gripped me. I sat on one of the many available benches; I didn’t know malls could be that empty until I was on maternity leave and saw them when most of the rest of the world was working. A lovely older woman sat next to me and struck up a conversation.
“He’s beautiful,” she said.
I would have brushed this off as something everyone says, but I’d had too many people physically stop me to tell me how beautiful my son was. It didn’t really matter; he would have been beautiful even if he looked like a lizard.
“Thank you,” I said, still not knowing exactly how to respond. She wasn’t really complimenting me, but I settled on a thank you on behalf of the little boy I loved so dearly.
“Mine are all grown and moved away.”
“I’ve heard it goes fast.”
“May I give you a piece of advice?”
I looked at her. Rarely did anyone ask before bestowing their view of the world on another.
“Yes.” And I really did want to hear it.
“Enjoy your children for what they have to offer at each stage in their life. When mine were babies, I couldn’t wait for them to talk. When they could talk, I couldn’t wait for them to be able to tell me what was wrong. When they were teenagers, I couldn’t wait for them to mature into adults. So, I never got to enjoy them when I had the chance to. I was always waiting for the next stage.”
I was blessed not only because this lovely woman chose to share her story with me, but because I was in a place where I could hear it. Every time I wanted to ground my children until they were thirty, or had to leave the room to take a deep breath, or wanted to throw one of us out a window, I heard her voice. And I continue to hear it even though the eldest is an adult and on his own.
Now I’m sending her advice out into the world for those who are in a place where they can hear it, only I’ve put a bit of a spin on it. Enjoy your children at each stage in their life for who they are. So many of us pile our hopes and fears on our children and don’t allow them to become the people they will be. We think we can mold them into what we want them to be. We fear for their safety and drape our need for their success on their shoulders. Let all that go and simply love them.